Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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