my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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