i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Someone came in the potted fern
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
