I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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