definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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