Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just cut my nipple shaving
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
