That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
