maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
