Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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