Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
