Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
