I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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