Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
