So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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