I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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