so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
