my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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