so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
