It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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