The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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