I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's rum buckets o'clock
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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