Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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