No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
