How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
