i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
