Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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