I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
