i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
