I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
