careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
