who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
is wine microwaveable?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
