Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
