I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
