Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
