People with herpes should wear stickers.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
