Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
