I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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