she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
