You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
