i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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