This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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