i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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