Will you blow on my dice?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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