I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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