Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
