btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
