I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This is the high leading the old right now
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
me + whiskey = a bad person
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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