he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
