she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
