hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
