the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
