I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
