she looked like the before picture.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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