I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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