I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
