ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
