i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
