the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
