I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
