when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
