My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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