Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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