literally had 100 drinks last night.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
