Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
