Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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