At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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