my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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