I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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