If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
