Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize