Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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