I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
