I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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