hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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