I'm lost and stupid without you.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
