You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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