the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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