I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
