Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
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She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
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Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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