Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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