I puked a lego.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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